Because Everybody Else Has One

A movie produced by Simon Cowell! And it doesn't suck! This review is also at Channel 24 . What it's about Based on the true story of Paul Potts, a regular working class guy whose dreams of being an opera singer is given new life by popular talent show, Britain's Got Talent. What we thought One Chance has all the ingredients of a truly wretched viewing experience. Not only does it co-star MacKenzie Crook who, despite playing an integral part in the original UK version of the Office, has become a one-man omen of bad British movies – movies so bad they never seem to leave the British Isles – it is produced by Simon Cowell. Yes, that Simon Cowell. Everything pointed to this being little more than a cynical ploy to shill the Simon Cowell brand to unsuspecting movie goers who already had enough of his empire of manufactured pop on TV, thank you very much, but are now stuck having to swallow it on the big screen too. That the film is based on one of his show's ...

Got life if you want it... This review is also up at Channel 24 , where the blurb should read "timed" not "times", by the way. What it's about A documentary about the concert that took place on 12 December 2012 to raise funds for those affected by Hurricane Sandy. What we thought I genuinely have no idea how or why this film is gracing our cinemas right now, as it certainly isn't timely and I can't see it making much of a splash against the Easter holiday movies that are currently on release. I'm kind of happy to see it though. Its mixture of Hurricane Sandy footage, backstage glimpses into the 12-12-12 concert and the concert itself aren't exactly revelatory and they add up to a relatively sub-par music documentary that doesn't have the backstage drama of a Gimme Shelter, the satisfying concert feel of a Last Waltz or even the spiky, often funny social conscience of CSNY's Deja Vu. Still, though it's hardly essential ...

Houston, we have a problem. Boy, do we. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about Sometime in the not too distant future, an international crew of astronauts embark on a mission to find life on one of Jupiter's moons. What we thought Films that deal with space travel and the dangers thereof have been around for a long, long time and include such seriously notable works as 2001: A Space Odyssey, Silent Running, Alien, Moon and Gravity. Europa Report isn't so much a forgettable footnote of this illustrious genre, as it is a particularly ugly stain. The only good thing about it, in fact, is that I seriously doubt that anyone will remember it even exited once it has come and gone from our cinemas in what is guaranteed to be a mercifully short amount of time. What we have here is a science fiction film that is ceaselessly dull, underdeveloped, poorly written and blandly directed and fails entirely to engage on any level whatsoever. It has none of t...

No octopuses were harmed in the making of this movie... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about An amoral advertising executive is kidnapped and held in captivity for twenty years. When he is finally unceremoniously and unexpectedly released, he embarks on a trail of violence and vengeance to find out who kidnapped him and why. What we thought The original Oldboy, released way back in 2003, is a South Korean cult classic that took the psychological thriller in a bold and unprecedented demented new direction that made its American contemporaries look almost immediately tired and uninspired by comparison. Like the best cult movies, it isn't perfect and it alienated anyone who wasn't ready for anything quite so full on, but it was a smart, stylish and viscerally engrossing piece of work that may have been based on an already existing manga (Asian comic book) but always felt entirely fresh and original. It was also, quite easily, one of the decade'...

Kicking off this week's movies with a biggie, we have what is easily my most Jewish movie review ever! This review is also up at Channel 24 .   What it's about A retelling of the Biblical story of Noah, the man chosen by God to save himself, his own family and two of each kinds of animal from a flood that is to submerge the entire world and wipe out the rest of humanity. What we thought Even as far as “religious” films go, Darren Aronofsky's cinematic adaptation of the story of Noah has drawn a quite staggering amount of controversy – most especially by the more conservative Christians and Muslims out there who abhor Aronofsky's very obvious refusal to adhere to a literal understanding of the story as it is presented in the Bible. Generally, this sort of controversy says little about the quality of the film in question, but that's actually not the case this time. In my years writing for this site, I don't believe I have ever reviewed a film throug...