Because Everybody Else Has One

 I haven't posted anything on this blog in a while, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about what is this year's biggest cinematic surprise so far: a "legacy" horror prequel/ sequel/reboot that is actually really good! After approximately seven hundred thousand Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequel, prequels, and reboots and especially after last year's crushingly terrible The Exorcist: Believer, you would be excused for believing that the carcass of '70s horror classics had been well and truly picked clean.  Not that there haven't been decent follow-ups to the big horror hitters of the 1970s. The Exorcist had The Exorcist III, a genuinely pretty great horror film in its own right, even with all its flaws. Alien had Aliens. Halloween had at least a couple of sequels/ remakes that are well regarded. But overall, abominations like The Exorcist II - and The Exorcist: Believer - are more the norm than the exception. Which brings us to The First Omen. ...

However tempted I am to give The Marvels 10/10 just to piss off the women-hating troglodytes who have, for months, been piling hate on the film for committing the unforgiveable sin of being led by not one, not two, but three female superheroes, that would rather be stretching the point. What I would say, though, is that they're wrong, wrong, wrong: not just morally, but because for all its faults, The Marvels, which is directed by Nia DaCosta and written by DaCosta, along with Megan McDonnell and Elissa Karasik, is really rather good.  And perhaps more importantly, considering that the real world is such a horrifying shit show right now - especially for those of us who have the audacity to be both Jewish and Zionist - it's just such a relief to sit back for 100-odd minutes with something that is this joyful, this funny, and this centred on three women - well two women and a teenage girl - of different races, religions and backgrounds, literally tied together to a single fate, ...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a phenomenon that has been quietly blowing me away since the late 1980s when I discovered the original cartoon at the impressionable young age of seven (or thereabouts) and became a massive fan almost at first glance. Like those famous Marvel and DC superheroes before them, the Turtles have managed to transcend their humble comic book origins to become an entertainment juggernaut that have caught the imagination of now generations of kids and even some adults along the way. All the more so because unlike the massive success of, say, those early Superman or Captain America comics, the Turtles started life as a truly independent, self-published, black-and-white comic book that were written and drawn mostly as a parody of Frank Miller's gritty, neo-noir takes on Daredevil and Batman. And here we are, most of four decades later, with the seventh (?) big screen outing for our heroes in a half shell (following countless TV series, comics, video games and a...

Oh, I believe in Yesterday... No, really, you have to be pretty cold-hearted not to go along with this movie, even though it was clearly just made for me. My review has been up over on Channel 24 for, like, a week. So hope you saw it there. What it’s about Jack Malick is a struggling singer/ songwriter whose only fan is his best friend and manager, Ellie. When an unexplained worldwide power-outage has him riding his bicycle into a bus, Jack wakes up with a stunning realization: no one but him remembers the music of the Beatles. Now, passing the entire Beatles songbook (or the parts that he can remember, anyway) off as his own, Jack quickly becomes the biggest pop star on the planet. He seems to have gotten all he ever thought he wanted but is fame and fortune built on the uncredited work of others really how he wanted to get there? And, with the whole world at his feet, what place does that leave for Ellie, the woman who stuck by him through his ups and many, many downs? W...

Posting this late again but hopefully, you already say this over on Channel 24 . Not that you need another review telling you how much fun the latest Spider-Man movie is but hey ho... What it’s about Picking up from the events of Avengers: Endgame, Peter Parker has to come to terms with a world irrevocably changed. After helping to save the world from Thanos and his minions, all Peter wants is to get away from superheroing for a bit by going on a school-sponsored, educational European trip with his friends and to declare his feelings to MJ at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Unfortunately for Peter, Nick Fury and a mysterious new superhero from another Earth have other plans for our Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man...  What we thought Warning: It’s impossible to talk about Spider-Man: Far From Home without spoiling the end of Avengers: Endgame. If you still somehow haven’t seen the biggest movie on the planet and don’t want to know what happens in it, do not read any f...

I'm probably the last person in the world to review this but I can't help but throw in my own two cents on a superhero movie. Especially not one I enjoyed as much as this. Unsurprisingly, this review ran a little long and more than a little late but, as I'm about to post my *shudder* Hellboy (2019) review, spending some time on a film like Shazam feels all the more appropriate... The Plot : Billy Batson is a troubled teenager who has spent his childhood being shunted from one foster home to the next ever since he was separated from his mother at a carnival when he was a toddler. After stopping his latest "foster brother" from being beaten up by a group of school bullies, Billy finds himself before the wizard, Shazam, who bestows on Billy superhuman powers in an effort to stop Thadeus Sivana, a ruthlessly ambitious Evil Scientist who dedicated his life to finding the Wizard and stealing his powers but instead, in his failure, let loose the embodiment of the ...

Been meaning to post this the past few days but load shedding kept getting in my way (thanks, Eskom!). Hopefully, you already saw my review of this delightful little movie over on Channel 24  but here it is in case you haven't. What it’s about The true story of Saraya “Paige” Knight, the youngest daughter of a family of wrestlers from Norwich, England who went on to become a famous wrestler for the WWE.   What we thought When we first meet Saraya Knight, the hero of our story, she is ten years old and in the middle of a pretty full-on wrestling match with her older brother with their parents cheering them on. The scene captures your attention immediately and sets the tone for what is to come. Fighting With My Family is a fairly straightforward sports movie in many ways but the sense of humour and sense of the ridiculous that are clear right from that opening scene give the film a real edge over most of its competitors.  Echoes of other true-li...

Considering just how many misogynist garbage-people have come out in protest of this film and its brilliant star, I'm tempted just to give Captain Marvel 10 stars, call it one of the must-see films of the year and leave it at that. But, let's be honest, unlike my reviews on Channel 24, which apparently get pretty good numbers, I don't think I'm going to make too much of a difference on the international box office by appealing just to you, my dear three readers, to be sure to catch this in cinemas. Most importantly, though, it has made a hilariously large sum at the Box Office, both "domestic" and international so that takes care of that. Here instead then, is my slightly more muted review of what just happens to be yet another damn good addition to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It's not the best MCU film but it's far away from the worst. And, again, if it pisses off so many women-hating troglodytes, it must be doing something right!     Just a...

I'm still in shock. This review is up on Channel 24 as well. What it’s about With the war between Decepticons and Autobots tilting very much in the favour of the former, Optimus Prime sends one of his scrappiest fighters, B-127, to Earth to find refuge for their group of righteous rebels but things don’t quite go as planned when B-127 gets severely damaged and is forced to transform indefinitely into a VW Beetle for self-preservation. The years is 1987 and when B-127 is discovered some months later by an alienated teenage girl named Charlie in a junkyard in her small, coastal hometown, the two form an unlikely friendship. It’s not long, however, before both the US Army and a pair of Decepticon scouts start closing in on Charlie and B-127 – or as Charlie has renamed him, Bumblebee. What we thought I’m writing this review just half an hour after the credits rolled on the preview screening of Bumblebee that I attended and I’m at something of a loss for words. D...

The first of what I hope will be a bunch of reviews for the rest of the year. Looking back, there were way too many notable films that I didn't talk about that I really would like to. That said, let's start things off with a brand new (to South Africa) release that is just begging to be discussed. For a band with a story as straightforward as Queen, it's sort of astonishing that it took this much time and this much effort to get a proper biopic of the band - though, most especially, the band's enigmatic lead singer - into cinemas. Freddie Mercury was an intriguing guy and extremely talented singer/ frontman but Queen was never exactly the Who in terms of complexity, explosive personalities and self-destructiveness. Queen came along at such a time that their story really is as simple as a solid band finally finding its voice by hiring the pivotal member that would define their sound and set them on the way to stardom, which would result in the usual sex, drugs, an...

First, no, I'm not suddenly starting to review porn: the film's title is a very pointed reference to Let It Be, Naked by the Beatles and is a crucial part of the plot, so no jokes from you smartasses in the corner, thank you. Second, I made the mistake of rereading my original review so I, inevitably, had to change a few things that I didn't like so this is a somewhat longer and altered version of the review you will find on Channel 24 . I'll try not make a habit of this but, as any writer knows, looking back at your own work is never a smart move as all you see is the mistakes you made and the things you wish you did differently. What it’s about Annie Platt and Duncan Thomson are a couple with a fairly comfortable, if unexciting relationship, living in a small coastal town in England but if there is one thing that constantly places a strain on their relationship, it’s Duncan’s obsession with the life and music of Tucker Crowe, an American indie-rocker who, two d...

Another biggie this week - and it's not even the only film really worth seeing this week. I may cover it at some point - there's a bunch of great films that came out this year that I haven't reviewed and I really should do a roundup of all of them towards the end of the year and things slow down - but do check out Searching if you get the chance. It's really good. Anyway, this review, like all of those that I've been doing of late, is up on Channel 24 too. What it’s about Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon and this is the story of how he got there. From dealing with the death of his young daughter in 1961 through returning as a hero after completing the first successful, manned mission to the moon in July 1969, we see Armstrong struggling to come to terms with his loss even as each step that brings him closer to the moon is littered with obstacles, both practical and emotional. What we thought Quite unlike Hidden Figures and less ev...

Rolling with the positivity of my American Animals review, here are some thoughts on a couple of other good to great films on circuit right now that I haven't covered yet. I actually don't have too much to say about Ant-Man and the Wasp  - but I actually mean that as a compliment. After the sheer hugeness of Avengers: Infinity War and its less than upbeat ending, this sequel to Marvel Studios' smallest film (in every sense of the word) is the perfect tonic. I loved the hell out of Infinity War and I can't wait for the still-untitled fourth Avengers film, but this is a nice reminder that Marvel's films don't have to be epic to be tons of fun. Ant-Man and the Wasp offers just more of the same as the first film but with a better semi-villain and more Morrissey (and solo Morrissey at that!) jokes, as well as a nicely expanded role for Evangeline Lilly, who proves, once again, that she really should be a much bigger star than she is. Michelle Pfeiffer, Lawrence...

For once Pixar's recent sequel trend doesn't just feel like a cash-grab to sell more toys. Here's hoping Toy Story 4 can continue the trend... The superhero film landscape is now rather different to what it was when the first Incredibles came out - unbelievably, some fourteen years ago. We had a couple of good Spider-man and X-Men films back in 2004 but Batman Begins was still a year away and the juggernaut that is the Marvel Cinematic Universe wasn't even a pipedream. More than just a fabulous entry into Pixar's ever-expanding canon, the Incredibles was a major step forward for superheroes on the big screen. Not that there weren't great superhero films before it - there had been plenty of damn fine superhero films since Christopher Reeve first brought Superman to vivid, cinematic life way back in 1978 - but more even than Spider-Man 2, which came out earlier that same year, the Incredibles captured comic book superheroics in a way that no film before it h...

(Insert meta-joke here) This review is also up on Channel 24 What it's about The Merc With a Mouth is back as Deadpool assembles a team of misfit superheroes (and, of course, a mustachioed Everyman named Peter) to try and stop Cable, a grimly driven time-traveler from the future, from killing a young mutant. What we thought The best and worst thing you could say about Deadpool 2 is that is just more of the same. If you've seen the first film you know largely what to expect. The sequel does have some nice, often darkly comedic plot twists to it it and a number of new characters thrown into the already hyper world of Wade Wilson but, despite a change in director (Atomic Blonde's David Leith takes over from Tim Miller), the same old writers and the same old main cast are back to deliver more of what worked (and some of what didn't work) about the first film. Familiarity doesn't exactly breed contempt here but it does make Deadpool 2 just that...

Just a quick one, this time. OK, maybe not... I had the pleasure to see Ready Player One again with visiting friends from Cape Town in IMAX 3D this past weekend and the difference between my first and second reactions to the film is really quite profound. Certainly profound enough that this may just be the first re-review in all my years doing this blog. A few of my issues do remain with the film but it's a much better and much more enjoyable experience than I first gave it credit for. It's true, for example, that the (admittedly super impressive) video-game-inspired CGI is something of an alienating factor and it does at time feel like watching someone else play a video game but I do think that Spielberg actually does give even these sequences some weight by having them transposed against the dangers of what's going on in the real world of the film. This is especially well done later on in the film but it's true in all but the introductory sequences - which ar...

This is going to be a slightly different review as I'm actually going to get a bit into both the massive pre-hype that the film received and, perhaps more crucially, the audience I saw the film with - both of which did (adversely) affect my appreciation of the film. Fortunately, though I still have my issues with it, a bit of time has given me a far better perspective on the film and what it was trying to do. SPOILER WARNING:  Please note that though I will do my best to avoid spoiling any actual plot details, I will be going into the themes of the film quite a bit and because these themes are often tied into the characters and plot of the film, you may well be able to infer just a bit more than you want to know about the film. As such, if you want to know as little as possible about the movie going in, it might be best to read the actual review section of this feature-length essay/ ramble after you have seen it. The Preamble To get this out of the way first, Black Pan...

Not the Hawkeye/ Scarlett Witch reunion you might be expecting. This review is also up on Channel 24 What it's about After the body of a girl is found brutally raped and murdered on the Wind River Indian Reservation in Wyoming, Jane Banner, a rookie FBI agent sent to investigate the murder purely because of her proximity to the reservation, joins forces with Cory Lambert, a white man and wildlife tracker who has lived on the reservation ever since marrying his ex-wife, to solve the crime. The more they dig, however, the more is revealed – not just about the crime but about each other and Wind River itself. What we thought Taylor Sheridan has gone from being a respected, if not overly famous, character actor to a writer responsible for the scripts of two of the greatest crime dramas in recent years. Sicario and Hell and High Water – directed by Denis Villeneuve and David Mackensie, respectively – mixed the Outlaw Nation feel of your classic westerns with slow-b...

Cruise is back! That didn't take long... This review is also up at Channel 24 What It's About Barry Seal is a successful TWA pilot whose small-time smuggling side business catches the eye of the CIA who enlists him to help spy on communist training camps in Latin America. It's not long, however, before he comes to the attention of the up and coming Medellin drug cartel who in turn make him an offer he can't refuse to smuggle their drugs into the United States while on his missions for the CIA. Based loosely on a true story. What We Thought After the Mummy proved to be Tom Cruise's first genuinely bad movie in a very long time, it's particularly pleasing to see him back on such fine form just a few months later in a role that seems all but written for him. Cruise's particular mix of serious charisma and just the right amount of crazy has long made him one of Hollywood's most undeniable movie stars and it's that very combination t...