Because Everybody Else Has One

I'm somewhat swamped with paid work right now, but I needed to jot down some of my thoughts about Martin Scorsese's latest juggernaut of a film. And by "jot", I mean I'm mostly just going to expand slightly on the comment that I already made on Mark Kermode's review of the film on YouTube. In very short, I think there's a brilliant two-hour, even two-and-a-half, long movie buried in here, but I found the punishing runtime to be very much to the film's detriment. Especially the middle section, which focuses almost entirely on a succession of murders, which just dragged and dragged. It also had a major problem in that Lily Gladstone's character, Molly, was the only really sympathetic or, to be honest, well-drawn character out of the main cast. Frankly it was only in the final hour that I became at all invested in DiCaprio's Eugene, which is a major problem considering he's clearly the film's main protagonist and POV character. And while D...

The subject matter may have deserved a better, or at least more substantial, film but Stockholm certainly deserved better than to crash and burn at the worldwide box office. This review is also up on Channel 24 What it’s about Based on the true story that gave rise to the psychological condition known as Stockholm Syndrome in the early ‘70s, an American criminal doesn’t so much rob as hole up in Sweden’s biggest bank by taking hostage a handful of its employees, demanding a million dollars, the immediate release of notorious Swedish bankrobber, Gunnar Sorensson, and safe passage for the both of them out of the country. As the situation roles on, it becomes clear that not all is quite as it seems – and that’s before one of the hostages, Bianca Lind, starts to form an increasingly tight bond with her captor. What we thought Stockholm – or Captor, as it is boringly known in some territories – is one odd duck of a film. The story itself is a textbook example of “truth being str...

OK, this isn't quite as bad as you may have heard. It's certainly not good, though. This review is also up on Channel 24 What it’s about When low-level con artist, Penny, worms her way into her life, high-class hustler, Josephine, does her best to remove Penny from her life as quickly as possible before she has a chance to ruin the life she has built for herself on the French Riviera. When everything she tries fails, she challenges Penny to a wager whereby the first to swindle a young tech-billionaire out of $500,000 gets to stay in this swanky riverside paradise while the loser has to leave for less desirable climes. What we thought The Hustle is a gender-swapped remake of the ‘80s Steve Martin/ Michael Caine comedy, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, which was itself based on the lesser known Marlon Brando/ David Niven vehicle, Bedtime Stories from 1964. Third time, as it turns out, is not always the charm. Despite a certain amount of snobbishness by some critics at the t...

Hide those razors... This review is also up on Channel 24 What it’s about Roy Cady is a professional hitman who has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and after escaping a trap set up for him by his own boss, he finds himself on the run with a young prostitute and her kid sister. The trio soon find themselves laying low in a hotel in Cady’s hometown, Galveston, where they are forced to confront where they came from and where they’re going. What we thought Galveston marks the English-language directorial début of Melanie Laurent, the fantastic French actress probably still best known to international audiences for playing Shoshana in Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards. I have never seen any of the French films she directed (South African cinemas seem to show less and less foreign language films with each passing year) but her first crack at the American and English-speaking market may be far from entirely successful but it does show a director very much in command of her abil...

Begging for an Oscar, deserving a raspberry.   This review is also up on Channel 24 What it’s about Erin Bell is a washed-up, self-destructive detective who is drawn into a new case involving a group of criminals whose gang she infiltrated years previously in a disastrous undercover operation. Will this case drag her even further down as it reopens old wounds or will it giver her one final shot at redemption? What we thought Continuing Nicole Kidman’s return to prominence, Destroyer casts her in the sort of role that is almost entirely the opposite of the sort on which she built her name. Where once she was typecast in roles that called for a certain brittleness and fragility (see the underrated horror film, The Others, for arguably the best example of this), here she plays someone tough and almost entirely emotionally closed off. She is, in short, excellent as our anti-hero Erin Bell. Sadly, she is hampered by having to act her way through some distractingly overb...

No, this isn't Captain Marvel. I do hope to review the latest entry in the MCU very soon but first, my latest Channel 24 review: White Boy Rick. Frankly, I'd rather be talking about Captain Marvel. What it’s about The true story of a teenager who worked as a mole for the FBI in one of Detroit's leading drug-dealing gangs and, after being cut loose by the same agents after an event that nearly cost him his life, he becomes a major drug dealer himself. What we thought The story on which White Boy Rick is based is fairly extraordinary and its payoff is a poignant criticism of the American justice system, so why is the film itself just so underwhelming? It’s certainly not the excellent cast that includes the likes of Matthew McConaughey, Bruce Dern, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Ben Powley or newcomer Richie Meritt who plays our anti-hero, the White Boy Rick of the title, in a manner that highlight just how incredible it is that a kid like this could possibly be an FBI...

I forgot to post last week's review but, as it turns out, these two films make for a very interesting double bill. Both reviews are on Channel 24 too. The Old Man and the Gun What it’s about  Forrest Tucker is a career bank robber who has spent most of his adult life in and out of prison – usually out, thanks to his uncanny ability to escape even the most notoriously impenetrable prisons – but when he falls for a woman named Jewel, his life of crime comes to a head. Can he stop doing the one thing he’s truly good at and can he do so before he is brought down by a persistent young cop who’s obsessed with his case? Based on a true story. What we thought The Old Man & the Gun has been reported to be Robert Redford’s final film and, though there might be something ironic about finishing such a momentous film career with so small and unassuming a swansong, it actually turned out to be a fairly fitting farewell. It is undoubtedly a very slow, very serene and ultimately ...

Once again late with posting my Channel 24 reviews from last Friday. I feel particularly bad because some of you, my dear (few) readers, may not be aware of just how rotten this film, in particular, is. I mean, I've heard that there are other reviewers out there - all of whom feel the same way as me, apparently - but that can't be right, can it?  What it’s about The true story of John Gotti, the notorious mob enforcer who worked his way up the ranks of the Gambino crime family to become, the “Teflon Don”, the face of organized crime in Boston in the 1980s. What we thought It’s not often you come across a film based on a potentially interesting true story of one of the most notorious mobsters in history that turns out to be this much of a turkey. Gotti isn’t just a film that pales in comparison to dozens of gangster films – Goodfellas, being a particularly obvious touchstone here – but looks all the more embarrassing for how it looks like nothing more than the result...

Sometimes even messes can be fun.  And I'm sure that's not the first time I said that. This review is also up on Channel 24 What it's about When Harold Soyinka, a Nigerian immigrant to America, learns that he's about to be summarily fired from the job he worked tirelessly at and that his wife is about to leave him for another man, he decides to fake his own kidnapping in Mexico to fleece his duplicitous boss out his employee insurance. As is ever the case, though, a simple plan gets very complex very quickly and the usually upright and uptight Harold soon finds himself way in over his head. What we thought Gringo taps into a long tradition of crime caper comedies that is mostly about a normal schlub getting tied up in impossibly convoluted plots with shady, though often colourful, mobsters, hitmen, police, drug-dealers and eccentric locals, all coming to head in a way that brings all the plot threads together, sometimes in a jangled mess and some...

Cruise is back! That didn't take long... This review is also up at Channel 24 What It's About Barry Seal is a successful TWA pilot whose small-time smuggling side business catches the eye of the CIA who enlists him to help spy on communist training camps in Latin America. It's not long, however, before he comes to the attention of the up and coming Medellin drug cartel who in turn make him an offer he can't refuse to smuggle their drugs into the United States while on his missions for the CIA. Based loosely on a true story. What We Thought After the Mummy proved to be Tom Cruise's first genuinely bad movie in a very long time, it's particularly pleasing to see him back on such fine form just a few months later in a role that seems all but written for him. Cruise's particular mix of serious charisma and just the right amount of crazy has long made him one of Hollywood's most undeniable movie stars and it's that very combination t...

Well, not quite. It ain't half bad though. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The true story of Reggie and Ronnie Kray, the notorious twin gangster brothers who all but ruled London in the 1960s and '70s. What we thought Legend is, quite frankly, a pretty exasperating piece of work. For every element that works beautifully, there is something else that's just never as good as it should be. It is in many ways a really enjoyable film that's easy to recommend but, at the same time, its weaknesses become more and more distracting as it goes on. The film grabs your attention pretty much immediately as we meet Reggie taunting a couple of cops whose entire existence is apparently dedicated to following the Krays until Reggie or Ronnie makes the single fatal mistake that will allow them to bring the full force of the law upon their heads. It's terrific stuff with sharp, funny dialogue and excellent performances from Tom Hardy...

Welcome back Mr Depp but this ain't exactly Goodfellas. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The true story of Jimmy “Whitey” Bulger, a small-time Boston gangster, who, by working with the FBI to take down Boston's major crime family, soon finds himself with free rein to become the most ruthless, most feared criminal in the city. What we thought Black Mass is a gangster movie that can perhaps be admired for how utterly unglamorously it portrays the casually violent gangster lifestyle (which makes for a particularly interesting contrast with Legend, the upcoming portrayal of the infamous Kray brothers) but it's a very hard to film to be invested in, let alone actually enjoy. Everything from the beige-and-tweed '70s fashion to the slow, downbeat direction to the utterly humourless script, adds up to an incredibly dour portrait of some of most spectacularly unlikable and unsympathetic low-life scum to hit our screen in quite s...

Well, you'll probably need a beer after seeing this unholy mess... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The true story of how a group of working stiffs pulled off the kidnapping of Beer tycoon, Alfred “Freddy” Heineken, resulting in the biggest ransom ever paid for a single individual. But, as the film's tagline says, “it was the perfect crime until they got away with it...” What we thought Considering just how interesting Kidnapping Freddy Heineken's basic story is, as well as the sheer talent both behind and in front of the camera, it really is kind shocking just how terrible a film it turned out to be. The basic plot is, as I said, really rather good but you wouldn't think so based on just how clumsily its told and how terribly its paced. There are much more jaw-droppingly awful things about the film (more on one or two of those in a bit) but by far the most disappointing thing about it is just how boring it rendered t...

Well, I suppose there are worse ideas than borrowing heavily from the works of the Coen Brothers, after all... This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about In the small, sleepy town of Cut Bank, Minnesota, a young couple accidentally film the murder of a postal worker – but this is only the beginning of their troubles. What we thought Cut Bank is the debut feature film for veteran TV director Matt Shakman and though it's hardly a roaring success, you do have to admire the chutzpah of a filmmaker modelling his first big screen outing on the work of the Coen Brothers. More specifically, on earlier Coen works like Blood Simple and arguably their most beloved work, Fargo (I've always been more of a Big Lebowski man myself though) – though with some helpings of No Country for Old Men thrown in for good measure. But then, considering how many indie filmmakers start off their careers with their own riffs on Woody Allen's immortal classic, Annie Ha...

Almost forgot to post this. Which is kind of fitting if you think about it... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A convict with ten months left on his sentence makes a deal with the devil to get out of prison early to spend with his terminally ill son. The cost: making use of his brilliant forgery skills to create a fake copy of a Monet with which his former boss can replace the real one he intends to steal. What we thought Aside for doing weird, weird things on stage at a couple of awards shows and being the subject of not a small amount of controversy, we haven't seen much of John Travolta these past few years. Frankly though, even if The Forger is nowhere near as bad as most critics suggest, I can't really say that it was a particular pleasure seeing Travolta again. It's a pity, he was rather good for a little while there, back before he torched his own career with the whole Battlefield Earth debacle, but he has since become a ...

Out of focus. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about After Jess Barrett's attempt to rip off Nicky Spurgeon - who turns out to be a master conman himself - fails spectacularly, Jess and Nicky soon find themselves entangled in a relationship, both romantic and professional, that is constantly undermined and complicated by a game of cat and mouse (or is that catch and release?) that may just prove that there's no honour among thieves after all. Or is there? What we thought Harking back to the light crime capers of the past, Focus plays out like a mix of the Sting and Oceans Eleven, with a bit of Intolerable Cruelty thrown in for good measure, but it never really lives up to its obvious influences and predecessors. That it's shallow and ultimately forgettable pretty much comes with the territory, but it's ultimately undone by, ironically enough, a lack of focus. This isn't to say that there isn't anything to enjoy her...

It's probably not even 10% scientifically accurate but this bonkers, high-octane sci-fi flick is still easily worth your time.  Lucy marks the third arty science fiction movie of the year to feature the prodigious talents of Scarlett Johansson (and, come to think of it, if you also factor in the espionage-superheroics of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, there's even less place to doubt that Ms. Johansson is pretty clearly the reigning queen of genre cinema) and, though Lucy is certainly more low-brow than either Her or Under The Skin, it actually compliments both films quite brilliantly. Even more importantly, Lucy is the genuine, long-awaited return of maverick filmmaker, Luc Besson. Not that Besson himself has been away, you understand, it's just that generic thrillers like Taken and austere biopics like The Lady are a far cry from the sort of deranged, audacious genre films on which he made his name. Lucy is very much the Besson of Leon: The Professional and t...

Just two movies left to finish off this week. Well, three technically but I have no earthly idea what The Perfect Wave is supposed to be. American Hustle.  Following hot on the heels of his last film, the quite terrific Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle finds director/co-writer David O Russell on rather different ground. Moving from the character-driven intimacy of Silver Lining Playbook to a plot-and-style-driven crime caper that plays like a more flippant, less intense Goodfellas, it is, if nothing else, impressive how easily O Russell shifts gears from one genre to the next. American Hustle is a sprightly and attractive slice of pure entertainment that has what to say about identity verses appearance but somehow still feels slightly hollow for it. It may have garnered as many nominations as its predecessor and it's just as handsomely made, but it never quite manages to match the heart or the depth of Silver Linings Playbook. American Hustle tells the largely true s...

There were some good movies released this week. This was not one of them. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Based on the true story of one of America's most deadly serial killers, Jack Holcombe is an Alaskan state trooper who knows that the widely respected Robert Hansen is a brutal serial killer who kidnaps, rapes then murders women but he doesn't have the evidence to prove it. That changes however, when Cindy Paulson becomes the only woman to ever escape Hansen's clutches, but can Holcombe get her to come forward and confront a killer or will she simply vanish into a seedy, self-destructive life of prostitution and drugs? What we thought As serial killer stories go, the one that Frozen Ground is attempting to tell isn't necessarily original but it's a good solid true-life crime story that should make a good true-life crime film. Unfortunately, it doesn't. Not by a long shot. Despite a solid premise, good actors and fittingly ...

No. Not that one. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about Two friends decide to rob the armoured car depository where the one works as a security guard but with a hardened cop on the one side and some seriously shady criminals on the other, things quickly start to go wrong. What we thought Despite its title, Empire State is neither about one of the tallest buildings in the world, nor is it about the fictional Marvel Comics university and that's unfortunate because what the film is really about is far less interesting than a straight documentary on either of those things could ever hope to be. Empire State is the name of the place that our two anti-heroes decide to rob in the, what, third film released this year about a bunch of dopes finding out that there's no such thing as a simple crime? Admittedly, it's no where near as awful as The Counsellor but it's also nowhere near as much fun (in a grotty, dirty, unbalanced kind of way) as Pa...