Because Everybody Else Has One

Is this the film Star Wars fans have been waiting for? Possibly not but that doesn't mean they won't enjoy it anyway... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Set shortly before the events of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Rogue One tells the story of how a group of scrappy rebels came into possession of the plans for the Death Star. What we thought Rogue One is a Star Wars movie the like of which we've never seen before on screen but is sure to ring a bell or two with those dire hard fans (like yours truly) who spent the 1990s reading Star Wars media tie-ins like the “Tales of” anthologies or the X-Wing series of novels and comics and, of course, played the X-Wing and Tie Fighter series of PC games. Those novels, comics and games were set firmly in the Star Wars universe but focused on either new or supporting players in the Star Wars saga and often featured a tone quite different from the original trilogy (these were pre-prequels...

So, a non-Star-Wars related movie also comes out this week. Not that anyone cares - or, frankly, should care. It's rubbish. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A slacker manager of the local office of a major corporation is told by his cold-hearted sister and boss that unless he pulls in an unreasonable amount of money by the end of the quarter, she will have no choice but to fire him and close down the branch. And, effective immediately, the office Christmas party is canceled. In a last ditch effort to save the branch, he enlists the help of his best friends and number two at the company to throw the biggest Christmas party ever in an effort to boost his employee's morale and maybe, just maybe, sign up a huge client who would singehandedly bring in enough money to save the branch. What we thought Jennifer Aniston has long ago proven to be the kiss of death for most major Hollywood comedies – and she certainly doesn't buck the tren...

I noticed that this has a somewhat limited release in South Africa so you may have to hunt it down but, boy, is this one worth the effort. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Nadine is a smart, sardonic and socially awkward teenage girl who already hates everything about being a teenager but when her best friend starts dating her much loved (by everyone but Nadine, anyway) brother, things go from bad to unbearable. What we thought The Edge of Seventeen has exactly the kind of plot that should have all but the most emo of teenage girls running for the hills in terror, so how exactly did it become - and quite easily at that - one of my very favourite films of the year? And not at all in a guilty pleasure kind of way either, but in the sense that I am absolutely willing to go to bat for it as one of the year's most satisfying and perfectly conceived and executed films. Well, for a start, it does once again prove the old (or perhaps just ...

Are we done with this series yet? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The third film in the Robert Langdon series, Landon wakes up in a hospital in France with no memories of what he's doing there or how he got there. It's not long, however, before he and the doctor treating him find themselves on the run for their lives from the followers of an eccentric billionaire who believes that the only way he can save the world from overpopulation is by wiping out most of humanity. What we thought Ron Howard's adaptation of Dan Brown's the Da Vinci Code was rightly criticized for being a laboriously boring and badly lit conspiracy thriller but, by the sheer force of the madness of the conspiracy at the centre of the film, I couldn't help but have a bit of a soft spot for it. I have real trouble believing damn near any conspiracy I've ever heard but I tend to find they make for good fiction; the more far out the better, of course...

It don't get much better than this folks. Plot synopsis: When a number of alien spacecrafts appear all over the world, the United States government approaches brilliant linguist, Dr. Louise Banks, to try and make contact with the mysterious beings residing in the one hovering over an open space deep in the American heartland. Review: Wedged between the slow burn of his brilliant crime drama, Sicario, and the audacious sequel to one of the most acclaimed science fiction films of all time, Blade Runner 2049, Arrival solidifies Denis Villeneuve as one of the most exciting filmmakers out there right now and as one of the few who may not make a total pig's ear out of the new Blade Runner film. The basic plot of Arrival is even more stripped down than most "first contact" stories but the true brilliance of this immaculately assembled masterpiece is the way it uses the bare-bones simplicity of its fantastical premise to explore themes that are complex, profound and...

Doctor Strange is Marvel's most visually arresting movie to date but is it any more than that? Does it need to be? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about When Stephen Strange, an arrogant but brilliant neurosurgeon, has his life and career brought to a screeching halt after having his hands mangled in a bad car accident, his search for a cure brings him to the doorstep of the Ancient One, an ageless sorceress who may be the one person able to do what the most advanced medicine could not. What starts off as a desperate last resort for a man who has always lived his life with no time for anything beyond a materialistic (in both senses of the word) view of the world is soon confronted with both a reality that challenges everything he knows to be true and something that may well give him a purpose far, far greater and far more selfless than just healing his hand. What we thought Created by Steve Ditko and Stan Lee in 1963, Doctor Strange wasn't ...

Bringing the classic Western to modern day America once and for all. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A divorced father and his ex-con brother go on a small-time bank-robbing spree to save their late mother's house from being foreclosed by the bank but even as their own fractious relationship threatens to corrode their entire enterprise, a pair of Texas Rangers come ever closer to catching up with them. What we thought Essentially a modern reinvention of the western, Hell or High Water uses its simple, bare-bones plot to explore a post-recession America, where greedy banks and everyday people feed off each other and the line between victim and criminal grows ever blurrier. Far more than just a polemical screed against banks, though, it's mostly an intimate character study of its four central characters, punctuated by a simmering tension broiling beneath the surface whose ultimate eruption into brutal violence is as inevitable as ...

Not this year's Creed... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The true story of Roberto Duran, the middleweight boxing legend, and his often tumultuous relationship with his trainer, the no less legendary Ray Arcel. What we thought For a true story, it's rather odd that Hands of Stone suffers primarily for feeling like a not-entirely-successful amalgamation of a half dozen previous sports movies and biopics. It's a pity because it does have some strong performances from Edgar Ramirez, Ana De Armas, Robert De Niro and, most surprisingly, Usher Raymond as Sugar Ray Leonard, as well as more than its share of heartfelt good intentions. To be specific, Hands of Stone basically plays like a bargain-bin Rocky knock off, with some of the recent Pele's real-world social-political concerns thrown in for good measure, but with the imminently likable Rocky Balboa replaced by a real-world figure who is only slightly more sympathetic tha...

Sigh. Look, I know this has been out for a few weeks but I still feel I need to get this off my chest as I truly have no earthly idea how this has gotten even remotely respectable reviews. For all that we may look back at it now with cynicism (and, in my case, anger for starting off this whole "found footage") craze, the Blair Witch Project was a deserved phenomenon that offered something new and genuinely creepy in a period that was mostly known for the Scream-incited return of the slasher movie. Yes, the found footage gimmick had been around for years but who but the most hardcore of horror fans had even heard, say, of Cannibal Holocaust let alone actually seen it? The Blair Witch Project brought this technique to the masses and, by doing so, brought stark realism to the horror genre so successfully that there were apparently people at the time who didn't realise that the whole Blair Witch craze was pure fiction. Fast forward seventeen years and the found-footag...

Well, I like it. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A remake of the classic western (which itself was a remake of the even more classic Seven Samurai), seven gunslingers are called to protect a town from a vicious crime boss who is trying to bully them out of their homes. What we thought Remaking classic films always strikes me as a rather stupid idea because, no matter how good the remake, it always struggles to escape the shadow of its predecessor. This, incidentally, is why it always makes much more sense to remake mediocre or highly flawed movies, as that way you can rely on an existing property but you might actually have a chance of transcending your source. See horror classics like the Fly or the Thing to view first hand just how well this works when done properly. When it comes to remaking the Magnificent Seven, though, things are rather more complicated. Not only was the original itself a remake (though this is actually one of t...

You might need patience with this one but I, for one, think it's worth it. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A lighthouse keeper and his young wife, living alone on the outskirts of a remote Australian town and struggling to have a child of their own, come across a rowing boat marooned on the deserted beach containing a dead man and a crying baby girl. Deciding to keep the child for themselves, their relationship and their values are put to the test when, two years later, he has a chance encounter with a woman who is clearly their child's real mother. What we thought Based on the highly acclaimed 2012 novel by M. L. Stedman, which I admittedly have never read, The Light Between Oceans is the rare adaptation of what is ultimately a relatively lengthy novel that feels neither overstuffed nor rushed (nor horribly overdrawn like the ten-hour slog of the Hobbit, of course). Even more impressively, it manages to stay true to its source...

Not quite the Wolf of the Lord of War... but not too far off either. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about The (mostly) true story of Efraim Diveroli and David Packouz, two childhood friends who reconnect in their early twenties and soon find themselves knee deep in the international arms trade. What we thought By far the most noteworthy thing about War Dogs is just how utterly un-noteworthy it is. The story on which it is based may be pretty amazing for something in real life but, as a film, there is nothing here that we haven't seen many times before, often done quite a bit better. That's not to say that War Dogs is a bad movie, though. It's competently put together, typically well acted by its leads (both Jonah Hill and Miles Teller have really become very fine actors over the years) and basically perfectly enjoyable in an utterly innocuous but rollickingly entertaining kind of way. The problem, though, is that it coul...

Yup, two blog-exclusive reviews in a week! What is the world coming to? It's like it's 2015 or something... I wasn't just going to let this one pass, though. What it's about: Three years into their five-year mission, the crew of Starship Enterprise have settled into a rut of monotonous exploration and often aggravating diplomacy, with at east two of their senior staff contemplating a change in career. While enjoying a short break at the Federation's farthest and most technologically advanced outpost, Yorktown, they are called to suit up for what should be a routine rescue mission but turns out to be something that will challenge both their resolve and the very basis of the United Federation of Planets to which they have pledged their lives.   What I thought:  Though I remain one of the increasingly few fans of Star Trek Into Darkness, I have to admit that I had a real sense of trepidation about this, the third film in the rebooted Star Trek film franchise. B...

A very quick look at one of the best animated films of the year.  And, yes, I do like this more than Finding Dory. What it's about: Kubo lives a quiet life in a small Japanese village, tending to his ill mother and entertaining the people of the village with his magical ability to transform simple pieces of paper into animated origami just by plucking the strings on his old, trusty guitar-like instrument, bringing to life fantastical but possibly true stories of heroism and adventure. It isn't long, however, before the turbulent, violent past that brought Kubo and his mother to the village in the first place, up-ends his quiet existence and sends him on a dangerous mission to acquire the three objects needed to stop the ancient, immortal evil that threatens all that he holds dear.        What I thought:  Kubo and the Two Strings may sound like an orientally-themed indie band but it's actually the wonderful fourth film from the animation wizards a...

"Legendary", he may well be, but there's nothing "legendary" about this flat, uninspired biopic of the Brazillian football great.  This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The true story of legendary football player, Edson Arantes do Nascimento – or Pele as he is better known - that his early life from childhood poverty in the slums of Brazil to redefining Brazilian football forever with his appearance as the youngest ever player in the 1958 World Cup. What we thought There's clearly a good film to made about the life and career of Pele but, sadly, Pele: The Birth of a Legend is very much not it. As someone who is not now and will almost definitely never be a soccer fan, Pele does have to work twice as hard to win me over but there's something telling that the only times the film came even close to holding my attention was during its nicely cinematic football matches. Not only are these scenes surprisingly exci...

Another day, another disappointing DC cinematic offering. But hey, at least it's better than Batman V Superman. Yay? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about With the rise of superheroes and super villains, a secret government agency enlists a group of some of the America's deadliest killers, thieves and madmen as their own defence against god-like villains and renegade heroes. What we thought For the first third of Suicide Squad, it looked like DC was finally well on its way after the major failures of Man of Steel and Batman V Superman. Sadly, the film doesn't end there and goes on to squander its potential for another 90 minutes after that. The overall grey colour palette and murky lighting is still a problem (at least it certainly was at the cinema in which I saw it) but at least it's shot through with a bit of colour this time. More importantly, the dour tone of its predecessors is somewhat counterbalanced by a sense of the ab...

But is it our kind of movie? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about An ordinary British couple head to Morocco on vacation to try and sort out some of their marital problems but, while there, they come into contact with a charismatic Russian mobster who, after befriending the husband, convinces him to hand over a flash disk to the British government when he returns home. That, however, is only the start of their entanglement with the Russian, who, as it turns out wants Asylum in England for he and his family after his new boss makes it clear that he is out to “clear house” of older “employees” who have outlived their usefulness. What we thought John Le Carre seems to have become, over the past few years, the current “it” author in terms of TV and movie adaptations, what with his paranoia-drenched spy tails clearly resonating strongly with the current political climate. Hot on the heels of his highly acclaimed miniseries, the Night Manager, comes ...

I really do wish I could be nicer about this Really, I do. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A rebellious young man, estranged from his ex-military father, starts to have a series of dreams where he is part of his father's platoon during his campaign in Angola but these are no ordinary dreams as he starts to discover things about his father that he had no other way of knowing. What we thought There's a real sense of writer/ director, Craig Gardner, pouring his heart and soul into My Father's War, to the point that, without knowing much about Gardner or any real behind the scenes facts of the film itself, it would not have surprised me at all to find out that everything about the film (save for the supernatural vision-like dreams, presumably) were stripped straight from his own life. As it turns out, things are slightly more complicated than that as the story draws much more from producer Peter Lamberti's life than Gardner...

Who You Gonna Call? Not the sexists, apparently... This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about When ghosts start cropping up all over New York City, a trio of paranormal-obsessed scientists team up with a subway worker, who saw one of the ghosts first-hand, to investigate and ultimately stop an apparent ghostly invasion of their city. What we thought Considering Hollywood's love of remaking and retelling beloved movies, books and comics, it's telling that no shoddy remake in history has been greeted with the kind of vitriol that this new take on '80s comedy classic has been greeted with. Even before the admittedly lackluster first trailer hit, reaction to the new, all-female Ghostbusters was overwhelmingly negative but, for all that there were some perfectly fair criticisms against remaking so beloved a cult classic, it was hard to get past the pure, unadulterated misogyny behind (or really smothered all over) most of the criticisms out ...

This may be a bit rich since I'm awful with coming up with names and titles but don't hold its awful title against this otherwise very charming, if slightly flawed, documentary. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about A documentary about the life and work of beloved South African comedian, Pieter Dirk Uys, as explored during his latest comedy tour. What we thought That I am, to be entirely upfront about this, not a particular fan of Pieter-Dirk Uys' comedy, does little to detract from the fact that this documentary only heightened my respect for the man and his work. It's not necessarily a particularly great documentary and the clips we get of his comic performances don't exactly turn him into John Cleese or Bill Hicks in my eyes but Nobody's Died Laughing does do a fine job of capturing Uys' incredible work ethic, his irreverent attitude towards authority and the pulsing humanity that lies behind every joke he's ...

Yet another solidly above average horror movie? What is the world coming to? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A young woman is forced to confront her past and her estranged family when her much younger half-brother is plagued by the same ghostly presence that drove her away from her mother when she was younger. What we thought This year has slowly started to see something of a resurgence in the quality of unexceptional but quietly effective horror films, with both Before I Sleep and the Conjuring 2 being far more enjoyable than most of the chillers of the past few years. They were derivative and unexceptional, to be sure, but at least they kind of delivered on their promise; easily clearing the low bar that the horror genre - or at least the mainstream Hollywood version of it - has set for itself over the past decade or so. Lights Out, which is produced by the Conjuring's James Wan, continues that trend. It's hopelessly unorigi...

Regardless of your own opinions about the cause of the suffering in Gaza (for me it rhymes with... um... Sum Muss), the Idol is about much more universal themes and even if it doesn't entirely succeed, it's at least, at the very worst, a very honourable failure . Also, I was wrong about the two young actors being related, apparently, so though my original Channel 24 review has them listed as brother and sister, I've corrected it for the sake of this blog. What it's about The true story of how Mohammed Assaf, a Palestinian wedding singer, escaped his difficult life in Gaza by fulfilling his life long dream of competing in and winning Arab Idol – the Arabian version of the popular singing competition. What we thought It's hard not to get embroiled in the politics of the region when talking about any film set in Gaza – or obviously, Israel, Iran or Syria – but because the latest film by acclaimed flmmaker, Hany Abu-Asad (Paradise Now, Omar) lar...

Give me great movies, give me terrible ones but what the hell am I supposed to do with this? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about After criminals hit a chain of banks owned by the same person, a group of FBI agents start putting the pieces together that there may be more going on than just your garden variety bank robbery. What we thought Marauders is the type of generic crime thriller that makes so little an impression that, for the purpose of this review, I literally had to check out a couple of trailers just to remind me what the hell it was about. It also probably doesn't help that, in this case, the plotting was convoluted and incoherent that it was something of a struggle following it even while watching it. And not in a cool Mulholland Drive kind of way. It's a pity because the basic plot is actually fairly interesting, with plenty of potential for fun conspiracy-thriller thrills and even some good old social commentary. Ins...

I know it's "only a kid's movie" but don't kids deserve better than this? This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The fifth installment in the Ice Age series finds Manny, Diego and the gang on a rush against time to prevent an asteroid from hitting the earth and wiping out life as they know it, as one did 100 000 000 years ago when (almost) all dinosaurs became extinct. What we thought It kind of says everything you need to know about the movie that I started praying, and quite early at that, for the asteroid to actually hit the earth and bring an end to this tired and tiresome series once and for all. Spoiler: No surprise, it didn't, and I'm sure we'll be stuck with “Ice Age: Still No Bronze Age in Sight” in just another a year or two. On the plus side, once again credit must go to the animators and artists involved in the film because it is, unquestionably, very easy on the eyes, with loads of pretty colour...

It's been a while but here's a quick look at three very promising titles coming out from Image Comics in the next three months - each by mostly established talent. I'm going to keep this relatively brief, as I'm gearing up to review a terrific, brand-new original graphic novel from Vertigo Comics in the upcoming weeks. Snotgirl  (by Bryan Lee O'Malley (writer) and Leslie Hung (artist); July 2016). A comic book about a fashion blogger with major allergies may be one of the least promising premises ever but Bryan Lee O'Mally has made a career out of turning dopey premises into something special. He did it with Seconds, with Lost at Sea and, most definitely, with his thoroughly wonderful Scott Pilgrim series. I see no reason why Snotgirl shouldn't be the same. Both his first (presumably) monthly comic and his first major project with someone else providing the art, Snotgirl still promises to be vintage O'Malley. The preview - which, if nothing els...

Well, it could be worse, I suppose. But, really, it ain't a patch on the original. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Twenty years since the events of the original Independence Day, the earth has come together as never before and, making use of the abandoned alien technology to strongly beef up the earth's own tech, are fully armed and equipped to deal with a followup alien invasion. What they get, however, is far more than they could ever have bargained for as it turns out that the original alien spaceship was little more than a scout for something much, much larger and much, much more deadly. What we thought A quick disclaimer: Because of all the construction going on at Nu Metro Hyde Park, the cinema in which I saw this film suffered from the quite typical side effect of all the dust screwing with the projection to the effect that the dark scenes were darker than they should be and the light scenes lose much of their sharpness and ...

I'm starting to think that Love and Mercy has spoiled these kinds of films for me. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about The true story of Hank Williams, the legendary country musician who set the course for popular music for the next half century but whose personal life was every bit as troubled as the bleak lyrics of his songs suggested. What we thought Hank Williams was, in no uncertain terms, one of the single greatest and most influential figures in 20 th century popular music. His songs of love and heartbreak all but entirely defined what country music would be from then and on and, just as importantly, if you can't hear the beginnings of early rock and roll in his recordings, then you're clearly not paying any attention at all. It's a pity then that that this extraordinary – if highly troubled - talent has received such a thoroughly ordinary biopic in the form of I Saw the Light. With its tiresomely familiar tale of ...

One day, a truly great "feminist Western" will come along. Sadly, despite its best intentions, this ain't it. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about In the latter days of the American Civil War, a young woman, her teenage sister and their former slave have to fend off their home from a couple of rogue Northern soldiers. What we thought Following in the footsteps of Jane Got a Gun, the Keeping Room is another “Feminist Western” that has almost exactly the same strengths and weaknesses of that troubled Natalie Portman vehicle. The very idea of telling a western from a female point of view is a great one, as it should, in theory at least, breathe some new life into a genre that seemed for a while there to have run out of things to say. This is a story of the civil war told by those that were left behind; traditionally domicile women trying to fend for themselves while their “protectors” and breadwinners are away, perhaps never to ...

Another crummy horror sequel? Maybe not! This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Lorraine and Ed Warren are called out of semi-retirement to investigate a case in England where a single mother and her four children are plagued by what seems to be the ghost of the house's former owner. What we thought To date, the Conjuring has been the best of James Wan's horror oeuvre (I still enjoy the deliriously nutty Fast and Furious 7 the most of all his films, though) and its sequel pretty easily lives up to its predecessor. Once again, the cliches of Wan's work do occasionally grate (is there anything more predictable than a James Wan jump scare?) but it's otherwise a really solid, nicely creepy little haunted house flick that easily stands out from a crowded and more often than not disappointing crowd. Once again, a big part of the Conjuring 2's appeal is in its real-world origins. Whether you believe in ghosts, demos and other pa...