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Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Jackass 3D jackasses!

Now here's another one of those movies that are awful beyond words but still have some very serious fans. As such, once again, check out the link for some awesome hate mail.


From Channel24.co.za (Originally published 22 November 2010)


What it's about:

Johnny Knoxville and co are back with all the painful stunts and gross out lunacy that fans have come to love.

What we thought:

I would like to simply write off Jackass 3D as flatulent nonsense of the lowest order and move on with my life but this very strong contender for the most worthless, abysmally crap movie of the year deserves a little more attention than that. I have noticed a trend among most film critics to give the film something of a pass for simply being what it set out to be but I cannot find it within myself to be anywhere nearly so charitable. It is certainly true that Jackass 3D has no misconceptions about what it is and never tries to shoehorn some sort of story into its juvenile collection of head-banging, nuts-cracking physical self-inflictions and vomit-inducing puerility, but none of this changes the fact that this was quite easily the least amount of fun I've had at the cinema all year.

In the interest of fairness, I do have to admit to three inescapable truths. First, much to my sanity's eternal gratitude, I have never seen more than ten minutes of Jackass in my life prior to this, every minute of which I hated, so I could not have entered the cinema with lower expectations. Second, the 3D is actually pretty good considering that it was made for exactly this sort of thing in the first place. Third, though the closest I ever came to laughter in Jackass 3D's interminable 95 minutes was a slight snicker at the sight of Knoxville getting his ass handed to him by a Billy goat that seemed about as chuffed with Knoxville's obnoxious presence as I was, there were a few solid laughs from the rest of the audience throughout the film. Clearly this film works for some people but, as I can't speak for any of them, allow me to share a few thoughts and ideas on why I thought that Jackass 3D was the cinematic equivalent of water torture.

Here we have a film that never built itself up to be anything but very, very stupid and very, very funny and while it more than delivered on its first promise, it failed monumentally on its second. I have nothing against comedy that goes for the cheapest dumbest laughs. The Other Guys, for example, was almost definitely the single funniest thing I've seen all year and while it's hardly entirely bereft of smarts, much of its best laughs come from knock-about slapstick and very silly sight gags. The Other Guys, you see, earned its right to be as stupid as it was at times by being laugh-out-loud funny. Jackass 3D, very simply, did not.

Again, a sense of humour is very subjective but here are a few litmus tests to see whetherJackass 3D will make you laugh out loud or make you want to inflict your own kind of very painful and very permanent pain on the jackasses responsible. Starting with its least offensive and relatively funniest bits, do you find America's Funniest Home Videos funny? You know, the kind of physical humour that is telegraphed so far in advance that you can see the final blow coming a mile away. If, like me, you find the lack of surprise a sure fire way to kill decent physical comedy, then you would know to stay away in droves. If, however, you find the very idea of blokes getting smacked around hilarious, then knock yourself out – at least some of Jackass 3Dwill actually work for you. 

On the other end of the scale, there are the moments where Jackass 3D went from painfully unfunny to just painful. Stupid slapstick is one thing but here's the real question: Do you find the very idea of one man drinking another man's sweat more funny than you can possibly bear? Does the mention of the phrase "faecal volcano" have you rolling in the isles? How about a camera's-eye view of one jackass urinating all over his friends? Yeah? Well, OK, then. Feel free to knock yourself out. And this time I mean that quite literally. 

For the rest of you, I'm sure you'll agree with me in finding that the only good thing to say aboutJackass 3D is that hopefully the jackasses involved have done enough damage to themselves to ensure that they never,  ever, ever procreate.

Take a bow Messrs. Tremaine, Lacy, Knoxville et al. You have just made the worst film of the year – a year, incidentally, that has Vampires Suck to its massive discredit. Well done, sirs. Well done, indeed.


NO STARS! 

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