Because Everybody Else Has One

Whoa. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about “An alien seductress preys upon the population of Scotland.” So says, the IMDB anyway. Personally, I think it's about whatever you want it to be about. What we thought. Well... this is a tough one. Straight off the bat, before I try and wrap my head around explaining why Under the Skin is such a powerful piece of cinema, we have to get one thing out of the way first: if you are looking for a film with an identifiable narrative structure – you know, a story – then, please, for the love of all that is holy and unholy, avoid this film like the plague. To compare it to a similarly arty Scarlet Johansson vehicle, Under the Skin makes Lost in Translation look like a densely plotted thriller, packed to the gills with thrills, spills, twists and turns. This is impressionist filmmaking at it's most impressionistic and, as such, really isn't for everyone. Indeed, to be entirely honest, th...

Because sometimes even dumb movies need some love. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about After losing both her fiancée and her dream job in the same day, TV reporter Meghan (Elizabeth Banks) enjoys a rare wild night out with her girlfriends that culminates in a drunken one-night-stand with a poor bartender (James Marsden), Gordon. As it so happens though, her dream job isn't quite the lost cause that she assumed it to be, as a late night missed-call from her agent informs her of a second chance to impress her potential new bosses with her next broadcast – and with eight hours lead-time, it should give her plenty of time to prepare. Unfortunately, after getting locked out of Gordon's apartment with no money, no car, no phone and no idea where on earth she is, those eight hours suddenly start looking like no time at all. What we thought Walk of Shame has gotten a right kicking by overseas critics (scoring a paltry 25/100 on Metacritic.co...

And you thought the Avengers was packed... While Guardians of the Galaxy is still the year's biggest unknown quantity in terms of superhero movies, X-Men: Days of Future Past was always the one had the biggest potential for really falling flat on its face. Sure, X-Men: First Class restored the X-Men franchise after a couple of truly wretched entries in the form of X-Men III: The Last Stand and X-Men: Origins - Wolverine but First Class was a focused and ultimately very contained story. However X-Men: Days of Future Past was going to turn out, it was destined to be anything but contained. Indeed, it looked doomed to suffer from the same kind of Mutant overload that helped sink the already rather sinkable X-Men III. Based on one of the comics franchise's most beloved stories, Days of Future Past does indeed, it has to be said, feature a boatload of Mutants in a time-travelling story that spans decades and two quite different cinematic incarnations of the X-Men. Unlike that...

Too much Europa Report, too little Moon... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about In the final hours of their mission to Mars, a group of astronaut explorers finally find what they came for: evidence of life on the Red Planet. With that discovery, however, comes a great price that may prevent these intrepid explorers and scientists from ever going home again. What we thought There's a real sense of deja vu that comes with watching The Last Days on Mars. Of course, part of that undoubtedly comes from the dozens upon dozens of science fiction and horror stories that have already tackled pretty much exactly the same ground over and over again, but mostly it's because I watched Europa Report just a few weeks ago. Oh sure, the two movies aren't exactly the same. Europa Report was set on one of Saturn's moons, makes extensive use of the found footage gimmick and its heroes die through increasingly ridiculous mishaps but the similaritie...

Fine but where's the fun?! Gareth Edwards' feature directorial debut Monsters was a flawed but undoubtedly impressive monster movie that played like an indie film but looked like a huge Hollywood blockbuster. Most astoundingly, not only was it made on a shoe-string budget, its fantastic monster effects were created on his home computer. With that kind of calling card to his name, it's hardly surprising that Hollywood came a-knocking with an opportunity for Edwards to direct the latest update of the MacDaddy of all monster movies: Godzilla. The wildly increased budget and all-star cast, however, has proven to be both a boon and a bane to this incredibly talented young director. The good stuff first - and there's a lot of it. Edwards' keen directorial vision and attention to detail is very much on full display here as Godzilla is simply an incredible film to look at. The monster designs are beautifully thought out and are neither generic, nor overly complicated...

Marky Mark goes Apocalypse Now! The result's a lot less funny than you'd think. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Navy Seal, Marcus Luttrell, and his team embark on a mission to capture or kill a Taliban terrorist leader but their mission is soon compromised as a group of mountain herders happen upon them. Before long, the hunters become the prey as the Seals are faced with a fight for their very lives against overwhelming Taliban forces. Based on a true story. What we thought Lone Survivor is a difficult film to review. On the one hand, it's technically impressive as veteran director Peter Berg (Friday Night Lights, The Kingdom) bounces back from the utterly atrocious Battleship with a war film that actually convinces as a realistic depiction of the horrors of war. It's well acted (it's pretty much impossible to dislike Mark Wahlberg these days), beautifully shot and boasts some of the year's best sound design. Unfo...

Well, "Amazing" may be pushing it slightly... Plot synopsis: Following the events of the first film, Peter Parker is caught between his blossoming relationship for Gwen Stacy and his promise to her dead father that he would keep her away from his dangerous life as the web-slinging vigilante known as Spider-Man - a promise that becomes increasingly difficult to keep as he is confronted with new villainous forces and an old face from the past.   Review:  I may have enjoyed Sony's premature reboot of the Spider-Man film franchise more than most, but The Amazing Spider-Man was still hurt by being a re-telling of the Web-Slinger's origin story that came out less than a decade after Sam Raimi's first Spider-Man movie. It was done slightly better, sure, but it still felt like a pointless retread. With the origin out of the way then, director Mark Webb should by all rights have followed Raimi's footsteps with a Spider-man movie that really lets him do a new sto...

A movie so boring, I can barely be bothered to post my review. And yes, I realise I'm way behind again but look out for an Amazing Spider-man 2 review coming very, very soon.  This review, however, is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about After a second ice age devastated the earth, humanity took to living in underground bunkers called colonies. When Colony 7 receives a distress call from Colony 5, their leader heads up an expedition to investigate. What awaits them, however, is something far more sinister and deadly than they could ever have imagined. What we thought The Colony is yet another of those D-grade, direct-to-video turkeys that have somehow managed to get a cinematic release in this country, while, of course, some genuinely good films are left out in the cold to make their way through select video stores and movie festivals. That this direct-to-video turkey was also released in cinemas State-side doesn't change how unwelcome it is. St...