Because Everybody Else Has One

It's like Deja Vu all over again. This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about An ancient artefact holds the key to saving the world from a new Transformers threat. What we thought This being the fifth – fifth! - Transformers movie, it's hard to go in with anything but the worst expectations as every single one of the last four easily rank among the worst blockbusters released this century. Yes, even the first one – which some critics of the series like for some reason. And yet, director Michael Bay has surprised in the past. The Rock and the first Bad Boys were very solid action comedies and he even managed to pull out a surprisingly good black comedy in the form of Pain and Gain a few years back. Granted, I'm still convinced that the latter was good entirely by accident but the point still stands. So, does Bay redeem himself? Is the latest Transformers movie even remotely worth watching? No. Of course, not. Even the most open of min

I would write a snappy introduction but I'm currently busy working out just how many hours I've wasted of my life on these bloody movies... Oh. Bloody hell. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about Five years after the Battle of Chicago, an amateur inventor and his teenage daughter make a startling discovery that soon makes them the targets of rogue CIA agents, alien bounty hunters and an all-new breed of man-made Transformers - with the future of both the Autobots and the earth itself hanging in the balance. What we thought After three awful Transformers movies, I went in to Age of Extinction fully expecting the worst but, at about half an hour in, I was starting to wonder if perhaps I've always been too hard on Michael Bay and his mega-budget updates of this beloved 80s toy/ cartoon franchise. Or, at the very least, I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe Bay had finally learned something from his past mistakes and would fi

Wait, a good Michael Bay movie?! Well, if it helps any, I'm pretty sure it was an accident. Also up at Channel 24 .   What it's about Based on a true story, a trio of bodybuilders try to live their own version of the American Dream by kidnapping and extorting a thoroughly unpleasant but very wealthy Florida high roller but, having0 spent significantly less time perfecting their brains than their muscles, things start to go very wrong, very quickly. What we thought Pain and Gain tells an incredible true story – the kind that is so unbelievably far fetched and unbelievable that it could only be true – that, had it been tackled by mega-talented filmmakers like the Coen Brothers or Martin Scorsese, would have easily been one of the best films of the year. In the hands of Michael Bay though, it becomes rather less great, instead turning into something far more interesting and far more unique. Michael Bay, you see, is easily one of the most reviled filmmakers in H

Man, was the turnaround on this one quick! I saw this yesterday afternoon, reviewed it as quickly as I could straight away and the review is already ready for posting. The film is crap, of course, but can you really expect any different from Michael Bay at this point? My review here is, as is often the case, very slightly different from the Channel24 one. From Channel24.co.za ( Originally posted 29 June 2011) What it's about Following on from the first two films, Transformers: Dark of the Moon picks up with The Autobots living a peaceful existence with their human hosts but that peace is soon shattered when the Decepticons launch their most devastating attack yet, involving an old Autobot ship that crash-landed on our moon decades ago. What we thought Never having been what you might call a fan of director Michael Bay, I gave his first two Transformers films a very wide berth – avoiding them even as they replayed endlessly on DSTV. That is, I did until a f