Because Everybody Else Has One

Sadly, more like Point/Less This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A dying real estate mogul turns to a covert corporation for his last chance of survival: a new procedure that would transfer his consciousness into a younger body. It's not long, however, before he starts to find out that this miraculous procedure may not be all that it seems. What we thought Self/less comes with a fairly tried and true science fiction premise but it's disappointing to see just how little it does with it. Science fiction has long been interested in questioning the nature of the soul and of consciousness while the quest for immortality has been a constant theme in both science and fiction for as long as anyone can imagine. Self/less is only the latest in this long tradition and its central premise of achieving some kind of immortality by transferring one's consciousness into new bodies is far from a new one. That it's unoriginal is neither unex...

Leaving you (or me, at the very least) cold in more ways than one... To adequately review Everest, you kind of have to look at the film from two almost disconnected levels. The first - and this is something that really can be best appreciated in 3D IMAX - on a purely technical level, the second as a piece of storytelling. As you may well have guessed by now, Everest passes with flying colours on the first point, but things look a whole lot more dubious on the second. Put simply, from a purely aesthetic and technical point of view, Everest is nothing less than spectacular. Between its fully immersive soundscapes and the appropriate crispness of even the smallest sounds, the film obviously calls for the best sound system imaginable to appreciate the magnitude of the experience on offer here. Even more than its auditory delights (and terrors!) though, the film is just breathtaking to look at. I was disappointed by the lack of IMAX aspect ratio, as the added height would have defini...

I blame Josh Trank. Incidentally, I do go through the plot of the film from beginning to end, pretty much, so this isn't technically as spoiler-free as my usual reviews. That said there is absolutely nothing about the plot that could actually spoil this for you. Fantastic Four is so bad, it really is quite beyond anything as simple as spoilers. Frankly, the only way you could spoil this film for yourself is by actually going to see it. Also, if you're looking for a dispassionate, professional review, I'm afraid you're going to have to look elsewhere. Things are going to get ranty and fast...  It's only been a few days since the Fantastic Four reboot hit US and UK screens and already I feel like I'm just piling on to all of negativity that greeted the film by fans, casual movie goers and critics alike. What can I do though, Fantastic Four really is that bad. It's so bad, in fact, that walking out of it, it's hard not to look back at the 2005 Fa...

I have a feeling that die hard fans of the show aren't going to like me after this... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Picking up immediately after the end of the TV series of the same name, Vincent Chase and the boys are back for a new Hollywood adventure. As Vinnie turns his attentions towards directing a major new studio release for the studio that now has his former agent, Ari Gold, as its head, E is expecting a baby with his on-again-off-again girlfriend, Sloan, while Turtle desperately tries to woo a Mixed Martial Arts star and Johnny Drama continues to try and step out of his baby brother's shadow as a proper actor. What we thought Entourage is, at absolute best, strictly for fans of the series. Not because newcomers won't understand what's going on, mind you, because there really is very little to catch up with and what there is, is done very speedily in the first few moments through a sequence of typically naff...

Quite a bit to talk about (however briefly) so let's get right to it. The Age of Adeline.  (7/10) Despite some overbearing narration, some hilariously daft pseudo-science and a none-too-interesting male love interest for our titular character, the Age of Adeline is a surprisingly charming and moving romantic fantasy. Its story of a woman who can never age because of a freak accident and can't really live because of it, is never as fully explored as it could be but it does raise some interesting themes, the characters are largely sympathetic and it features terrific performances from three of its main stars, Blake Lively (with a very well played "transatlantic" accent), Ellen Burstyn and, most especially, Harrison Ford at the absolute top of his game. It's both kind of silly and kind of wonderful at the same time.. Hot Pursuit. (4/10) A largely laugh-free action comedy that seems to think that the mere act of teaming up such diametrically opposed actresses a...

Almost forgot to post this. Which is kind of fitting if you think about it... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A convict with ten months left on his sentence makes a deal with the devil to get out of prison early to spend with his terminally ill son. The cost: making use of his brilliant forgery skills to create a fake copy of a Monet with which his former boss can replace the real one he intends to steal. What we thought Aside for doing weird, weird things on stage at a couple of awards shows and being the subject of not a small amount of controversy, we haven't seen much of John Travolta these past few years. Frankly though, even if The Forger is nowhere near as bad as most critics suggest, I can't really say that it was a particular pleasure seeing Travolta again. It's a pity, he was rather good for a little while there, back before he torched his own career with the whole Battlefield Earth debacle, but he has since become a ...

After that murders row of horrible, horrible comedies that I've reviewed over the last couple of weeks, boy did I need this! The first Pitch Perfect was an unexpected smash and an even more unexpected comedy gem, but it wasn't necessarily one that was begging for a sequel. Of course, when the numbers add up, a franchise must be born so here we are three years later with a followup that is very nearly as good as the original. It has a couple of slight flaws, to be sure, but it's overall a real delight that easily deserves the big box office numbers it's sure to get. The story this time around does not quite have the perfectly measured simplicity of its predecessor, but it works well enough. And even if the film's half dozen or so subplots do often threaten to overwhelm its primary plot, they still work perfectly well on their own terms. As such, the main narrative thread of the Bellas needing to climb their way back to respectability after a disastrous sh...

Who knew I'd be fighting so hard against the tide about this of all things! Everyone and there grandma seems to love Fury Road. I, however, do not... I'm not sure if it was bravery or stupidity to have the latest Mad Max movie rely so heavily on the events of the original trilogy but, either way, I would be lying if I said it paid off. It has been many, many years since I've seen any of the Mad Max films and, considering that the final part of the original trilogy came out some thirty years ago, I'd wager I'm not alone in that. Indeed, I would wager that a huge portion of the film's target audience (read: teenage boys) have never even seen any of Max's previous cinematic exploits. Now, since I remember next to nothing about any of the previous films, I can't say with any certainty just how much Fury Road actually references them. What I can say though, was that for the opening act of the film I really had no idea what was going on. Oh sure, I go...

Age of Ultron isn't the only new release worth checking out, after all. Oh, also, one thing I didn't mention in my review is that the soundtrack is pretty damn great, as it reworks a bunch of new and old pop songs into Mariachi numbers - with Radiohead's Creep being a particular delight. I go on a bit about the film's awesome visuals but make no mistake, the soundscape is just as important in creating the overall effect. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about Monolo and Joaquin are childhood friends fighting over the same girl but when supernatural beings make a bet on the outcome of their (usually) friendly rivalry, this love triangle becomes a struggle between life-and-death itself. What we thought The Book of Life with its fixation on death (as a kid in the film says: “what is it with Mexicans and death!”) and its overpoweringly twisted visuals is probably not for for very young or highly sensitive kids but for anyone with ...

No introduction necessary here, but I should say that my feelings about this film haven't been entirely constant. I adored it while watching it, was slightly disappointed when it finished and for a few hours after it and finally settled on my current largely enthusiastic position and very slightly conservative rating.  And, oh yeah, there be no spoilers here. This review is also up (in slightly shorter form) at Channel 24 . Follow the link for an alternative take by Gabi Zietsman as well. The Avengers: Age of Ultron is a rollicking, endlessly entertaining joy from beginning to end but it's one that may also fall prey to its own build up. Indeed, even my own reservations about the film have less to do with the film itself, than certain expectations I have created in the intervening years between the Avengers' first big screen outing in 2012 and now. But first, the good stuff. Once again, the real joy of the Avengers is watching these disparate characters int...

Liam Neeson is an actin thriller? Surely not! This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about Jim Conlon is a washed up mob enforcer plagued by demons of his past, but when he kills the son of his boss and best friend while defending the life of his own estranged son, those demons come to the fore as he has to choose between his flesh and blood and the man to whom he has been loyal his whole life. What we thought Teaming up once again with director Jaume Collet-Serra, with whom he already made two of his more solid action thrillers, Unknown and Non-Stop, Liam Neeson once again reminds us just how good he is at playing the grizzled action hero and just how capable he is of playing so much more than just the grizzled action hero. Run All Night definitely falls somewhere towards the top of Liam's late period ouvre, which was in itself quite a pleasant surprise, but it's hard to shake the feeling that it would perhaps have been far more effective –...

Where's an exploding helicopter when you need one... This review is also up at Channel 24 What it's about A look at the peak ten years in the the hedonistic, bohemian life of acclaimed French designer, Yves Saint Laurent. What we thought You wait all your life for one biopic about Yves Saint Laurent to come along, only for two to come along at once. I'm kidding, of course. Only one of these biopics actually reached these shores – the equally creatively titled, Yves Saint Laurent is MIA – and, far more pertinently, if Saint Laurent is any indication of its real-life subject then I really can't imagine anyone waiting a day, let alone a lifetime, to pay good money to spend even five minutes of their time with this insufferable bore. Lucky me though, I did get to spend, or should I say “do”, my time with this insufferable bore! But not for five minutes. Oh, no, not for five minutes. I had the pleasure of losing a full two and a half hours of my ...

There's no "Rock Angels" in sight here... but Exodus: Gods and Kings is all the worse for it. This review is also up at Channel 24 .  What it's about You know the story. Sent down the Nile river in a basket to avoid Pharoah's decree of the drowning of all baby boys new-born to their Jewish (or “Israelite”) slaves, Moses was saved by Pharaoh's daughter who raised him as her own in Pharaoh's court. As he grows older though, Moses is made aware of his alien lineage and through a particularly uncanny encounter with a burning bush, his destiny is revealed to him: to stand up and lead his nation out of their bondage in Egypt to the promised land of Canaan. What we thought As a practicing Jew, I am, shall we say, quite familiar with the story of Moses and the Exodus from Egypt. It's an event that is seen as perhaps the crucial moment in the formation of the Jewish people and is not only alluded to constantly in Jewish prayers, it is som...

Pardon the lateness but, no, just because I'm one of the last people on earth to review this does not mean I'll be including spoilers here. It's tempting, especially as it makes it so much easier to actually review the thing but you really should go in knowing as little about what happens as possible - well, beyond the basic premise anyway. Although, then again, maybe not... It's incredibly tempting to do two different reviews for Gone Girl: one for those who are utterly unaware of the story and one for those who have already read the book, seen the film or absolutely don't care about spoilers. I'm lazy though, so that's not going to happen. What I will say is this: if you want to go in knowing nothing about what happens in the film, don't read a word beyond the next two paragraphs. The premise itself has been well advertised and actually tells you nothing about the rest of the film so I suppose it's OK to know that Gone Girl - adapted from he...

OK, by this time, "couple of weeks" is probably something of an understatement. Still, there's some good stuff that I haven't touched on yet... as well as one or two serious stinkers, of course. Starting off with what is probably my favourite of the films I haven't reviewed yet this month, Begin Again (8/10)   is John Carney's spiritual followup to his wonderful breakthrough film, Once: a serious charmer of a film that came out of nowhere and won over audiences, award ceremonies, critics and other filmmakers, before becoming a highly successful Broadway play. Begin Again isn't quite in the same league as its predecessor but it is certainly in a similar vain. Originally titled, Can a Song Save Your Life, Begin Again is about two lost souls finding each other through music and plays out basically like a more fully produced (and therefore somewhat less charming) remake of Once - but with enough differences to make it worthwhile on its own terms. Even i...

I'll have a review up soon of the other really worthwhile movie to come out this week, but I can safely say that if you're going to see one film this week, definitely make it this one. And I don't say this lightly but Calvary may well beat Boyhood as being THE movie to see this month. This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about The good, well-liked Catholic priest (Brendan Gleeson) of a small town in Ireland is marked for death by a disturbed congregant, who swears to make him pay for the entirely unrelated actions of a paedophilic priest who abused him as a child. With what may be one week left to live, the priest is forced to confront an increasingly belligerent community and a daughter who had just attempted to end her own life, all the while being racked by doubts about his faith, about his role as a Catholic priest and about the decision in his life leading that lead him up to that point. What we thought John Michael McDonagh bla...

That 100% Metacritic rating don't like, folks... This review is also up at Channel 24 - with one or two more typos. What it's about Twelve years in the life of an extraordinarily ordinary young man, Mason, from childhood to young adulthood. What we thought Shot over a few days each year for twelve years, it would be all too easy to write off Boyhood as little more than an admittedly very impressive gimmick, but the truly wondrous thing about Richard Linklater's latest and perhaps greatest film is the way he uses this “gimmick” to tell a story that perfectly and accurately captures the process of growing up. More than just a twelve-year process, however, Boyhood is pretty much the film that Linklater has spent his entire career working towards. The actual plot, as you may have noticed, is beyond threadbare and, though it may technically be classified as a “drama”, there's actually very little about the film that is particularly dramatic. Rathe...

Rather stay in and wait for the cavalry. Wait, did I say "cavalry"? I meant Calvary... This review is also up at Chanel 24 . What it's about A group of over-stressed mothers try to have a girl's night out but things don't go quite as planned. What we thought I hate to once again bemoan the sorry state of Hollywood comedy movies but Mom's Night Out is a particularly troublesome offender. Not only is it a wretched, thoroughly unfunny comedy but it's one that's mixed with large dollops of lame Christian sermonizing. It's not quite as preachy as the worst Christian movies tend to be but it's still pretty cloying. Mom's Night Out is pretty much Touched By an Angel meets the worst, schlocky sitcom you can imagine and, though I'm sure it's Church-approved, one has to wonder just which side the makers of Mom's Night Out are really playing for. There's definitely the sense that this film is aimed squarely a...

It's probably not even 10% scientifically accurate but this bonkers, high-octane sci-fi flick is still easily worth your time.  Lucy marks the third arty science fiction movie of the year to feature the prodigious talents of Scarlett Johansson (and, come to think of it, if you also factor in the espionage-superheroics of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, there's even less place to doubt that Ms. Johansson is pretty clearly the reigning queen of genre cinema) and, though Lucy is certainly more low-brow than either Her or Under The Skin, it actually compliments both films quite brilliantly. Even more importantly, Lucy is the genuine, long-awaited return of maverick filmmaker, Luc Besson. Not that Besson himself has been away, you understand, it's just that generic thrillers like Taken and austere biopics like The Lady are a far cry from the sort of deranged, audacious genre films on which he made his name. Lucy is very much the Besson of Leon: The Professional and t...

And now, for the big movie of the week! Well, OK, considering its abysmal box office numbers, "big" might not be the word I'm looking for... This review is also up at Channel 24 . What it's about Returning once again to the stylish-noir world on Frank Miller's Sin City, we meet old faces and new as their paths cross and criss-cross in often deadly ways. What we thought As I haven't revisited the first Sin City in film in many a year, nor having caught up with any of the comics in even longer, I'm not sure if my luke-warm reaction to Sin City: A Dame to Kill For is a result of my having outgrown the property or if, very simply, this sequel just isn't anywhere near as good as the first film. Either way, though it certainly has its pleasures – even if those pleasures are more often that not on the guilty side – A Dame to Kill For is a definite misfire. To be sure, even if the first film was genuinely good (and I am starting to h...