Because Everybody Else Has One

Another year, another Academy Awards, with everything that means: an overall show that I enjoy far, far more than I probably should, wins that I agree with, wins that I don't, boring acceptance speeches, great acceptance speeches and a boatload of extra bits and bobs that are technically filler but are usually rather enjoyable. And, for the 9th time, Billy Crystal proving once again that no one is a better fit for the show than him.  Onto some thoughts about a few of the actual winners and losers - to say nothing of the not-even-nominated. Best Supporting Actress Possibly the most clear cut of all categories. Octavia Spencer fully deserved her win - though oddly enough, the second best of those nominated is her co-star in The Help, Jessica Chastain. Nice, heartfelt speech too.

Chris Pine! Tom Hardy! Reese Witherspoon! Total Bollocks! Also at Channel24  What it's about Two secret agents and best friends find that they're both dating the same woman. What we thought If there is one criticism hurled at critics time and time again is that they're out of step with the “general public” in that they spend so much time analysing a film that they are unable to sit back and simply take it for what it is. Without getting to the validity – or severe lack thereof – of this argument, it usually comes up either on the release of a new “art film”, in which case the critic is accused of a pretentious need to look smarter than the “average” film goer, or on the release of big-budget blockbusters, in which case the critic is accused of over-analysing what is supposed to be nothing more than a couple of hours of brainless entertainment.

So, here we go again. After falling way behind on reviews not written for Channel24, here are very snappy reviews (usually) of a whole load of movies. Some great, some less so. On with the show then! The Descendants: I'm clearly not doing this in any order so we might as well start off with one of the best films released so far this year. It might be too quiet and uneventful for some movie goers but I thought that was part of the charm of a film that is as touching as it is funny and one that will stay with you long after you leave the cinema. Clooney is always a great screen presence but this may well be his best role yet but relative newcomer Shailene Woodley  threatens to steal the whole film from under him. He may not be prolific but The Descendants is just further proof that Alexander Payne is one of America's greatest filmmakers. (10/10) The Skin I Live In: This is sure to go down as one of the year's strangest films but it is also undoubtedly one of its most co...

Coming soon hopefully are roundups of the last month's worth of films that I haven't mentioned yet and a look at the upcoming Oscars. For now though, here's a pretty interesting superhero film that, much to my utter obliviousness at the time of writing, was directed by a South African director and largely shot in Cape Town. Who knew? Also at Channel24   What it's about After discovering a mysterious artifact, three high schoolers gain super powers but it's not long before they find their lives spiraling out of control as they try to come to terms with their new found telekinetic abilities. What we thought Chronicle, the latest cinematic deconstruction of the superhero may strike those who are new to the genre as a true original, but for those of us weened on comics over the last quarter century – or avid film-goers who have already sat through Kick Ass, Watchmen, The Incredibles, Defendor, Super and Mystery Men - could tell you, there is nothi...

I know I still have a number of films to get to and I will hopefully have at least some bite-sized reviews of the films that I have not yet reviewed for the site that have come out over the past few weeks. For now though, here's my review of the film that I hope wins Best Picture at this year's Academy Awards. Also at Channel24 in edited, less rambling form What it's about A young boy living in a train station in 1930s Paris finds himself involved in a mystery surrounding an automaton that is the final remaining possession of his late father. What we thought Since the late 1960s, Martin Scorsese has remained one of America's greatest filmmakers who, aside for being remarkably prolific, has released a good dozen or so films that represent the very pinnacle of cinema as an artform. He may have had his ups and downs, but no one would dare suggest that Scorsese hasn't by now, in a year when he is to celebrate his 70 th birthday, earned both his pl...

I really don't have the words to describe just how bad this film is. Well, OK, that's clearly not entirely true... Also at Channel24 in edited, toned-down form. What it's about Jack Sadelstein, a successful family man, has his life invaded by his needy and obnoxious sister whose annual Thanksgiving visit threatens to last for months. What we thought That Jack and Jill is a truly rotten, irredeemably crap and absolutely laugh-free really shouldn't be much of a surprise. This is Adam Sandler we're talking about, after all. Sandler is the sort of comedian whose best work is in dramas and whose most tolerable comedies are written entirely by other people. This is also the same Adam Sandler who just in the last year alone gave us the insipid rom-com, Just Go With It; the unbelievably idiotic Zookeeper and, let us not forget, the literally unreleasable Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star. And yet, for all of this and for all that Jack and Jill not only ...

The one film being released this week that I really want to see is the one film whose screening I missed but hopefully I'll have a review up for The Descendants soon. For now there is... some other stuff. Also at Channel24 What it's about: After being falsely imprisoned for stealing a diamond, an ex-cop-turned-fugitive threatens to jump to his death from the top floor of a Manhattan hotel. As a disgraced hostage negotiator tries to talk him down, it quickly becomes obvious that things are a lot more complicated than they may first have appeared – especially when they realise that the hotel is across the street from the heavily-fortified bank, in which the diamond's original owner stores his most valuable possessions.  What we thought: If last year's  Tower Heist  was a heist film dressed as a comedy about the evils of capitalism then Man On a Ledge  is a heist film disguised as a drama about a wrongly convicted man trying to prove his innocence. Except, ...

No really, just how mediocre can one film be? Also at Channel24 in edited form   What it's about A group of young tourists find themselves on the run for their lives after Moscow is invaded by deadly, invisible aliens. What we thought The Darkest Hour: generic title, generic film. For a relatively major motion picture that has gotten some seriously bad reviews (16/100 on Metacritic, 12% on Rotten Tomatoes), I can almost guarantee that come December, absolutely no one is going to include the film in their “Worst of 2012” list. December is a long way away and there is simply no way in hell that any body is going to remember what genre of film The Darkest Hour belongs to, let alone what it was actually about. And this, oddly enough, is the very thing that saves it.

It's a really varied week of new cinema releases - both in quality and type - but this must surely be the one that most of have been looking forward to. Also at Channel24 (though in slightly edited form) What it's about The Muppets reunite to stage a benefit concert to save their theatre from an evil oil tycoon. What we thought As is perhaps typical of relaunches of classic franchises, the amount of joy that you get out of The Muppets will largely depend on your own previous attachment to these classic characters. Whether you grew up with the Muppets Show from the 1970s (was that even shown in South Africa at the time? Had the country even discovered TV by then, for that matter?) or are a complete neophyte to Jim Henson's creations, however, one thing is certain: you won't leave The Muppets without at least a small spring in your step; a cheerier attitude towards the world. And if you're a young kid, you might just have found your new favourite f...

There is at least one worthwhile film coming out this week but I can promise you this, it ain't the fourth Underworld flick, that's for damn sure. Also at Channel24 What it's about Skipping right past the third film (a prequel), this fourth entry into the  Underworld  series sees Kate Beckinsale back as Selene, the leather clad vampire outlaw, who finds herself caught up in a world where humanity has discovered the existence of vampires and werewolves.  What we thought The  Underworld  series has always been one of the most mind-bogglingly unbelievable franchises ever committed to celluloid. Not in a hyperbolic, that's-so-good-it's-unreal kind of way, you understand, but in the sense that it boggles the mind how a series based on the seemingly foolproof premise of Kate Beckinsale, dressed from neck to toe in skin-tight leather, kicking all kinds of ass in a centuries old war between vampires and werewolves, could be so relentlessly and unrepentantly...